i came close to dying once.
it would have been a slow death.
it would have hurt a lot of people besides just me.
i had plans to run away from everything.
my house, my family, my life, my future.
because i felt alone, like no one wanted me anymore.
i really didn't care if i died.
i knew it was the wrong choice.
right before i planned on leaving, i called it off.
i emailed my mom and asked her for one last chance.
i told her i surrendered and i would do absolutely anything to get sober.
she gracefully gave me that last chance.
that day was today.
she and i had the most beautiful afternoon.
she read me the short stories she wrote when she was a young woman.
stories she had buried in the bottom of her green cedar hope chest.
we had lunch.
we laughed.
we talked about a few hard things, too.
and there will be more hard things.
but i will never forget how gentle she was.
it's late now.
i just walked into her room to see if she needed anything and to thank her.
she was asleep.
she looked like an angel.
i could not bare to wake her.
maybe tomorrow i will find the words.
i will find the words to thank her for saving my life.
this is fucking hard.
but whenever i have the chance to choose kindness,
to choose grace,
to choose love,
i will do so, in honor of my mom.
she is the definition of unconditional love.
i want people to remember me for being made in her likeness.
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